I'm a little embarrassed to admit this...but I quit doing yoga.
Let me clarify. In 2020, I quit practicing yoga postures (asana) in the way that I had for the previous twenty years.
In this post, I’ll share why I quit, and why (and how) I started again. If you’ve strayed from a yoga practice or anything else that you used to love, this might help.
The pandemic ate my hustle
It’s no surprise, and I’m not alone, in that during the pandemic, I could not muster the motivation and discipline to do the things I used to do. For about 10 years, I practiced asana 45-60 minutes a day, and for the six years after that, I practiced 30-40 minutes several days a week. My practice was structured – bordering on rigid – with a list of poses to “get through” each week.
But during 2020, I just couldn’t get on my mat. I would roll it out early in the day, and then busy myself with other things, and roll it up at the end of the day. I was experiencing anxiety for the first time in my life, and what I wanted to do to help myself was GO OUTSIDE AND MOVE.
So I did. I walked and biked and swam and paddled and walked some more. I joined an online workout group to lift weights. I got out of the habit of doing yoga poses every day, except for a few restorative poses. (I always do legs up the wall when I feel tired. That hasn’t changed.)
Leading up to this time, I had also learned more about biomechanics and the history of hatha yoga. I knew that the poses we practice today do not have as much historical significance to the ancient art of enlightenment as I previously thought. And I learned other ways to achieve similar physical benefits. So part of the magic-mystique-spiritual power of specific poses was gone for me.
It felt weird. I felt guilty, because at the time, I was still teaching asana. I felt like a fake, because I wasn’t practicing what I preached/taught, and I no longer bought into the lore around the poses themselves.
But in many ways, I was practicing yoga….by honoring how I felt in that moment, and giving my body-mind what it needed, which was walking outdoors. I was also practicing more meditation, which is one of the eight limbs of yoga and seemed a natural evolution of my practice.
I learned to surrender attachment to old habits and routines, and make room for new ones. I let myself let go, and I forgave myself too. (I wrote more about that in Change Point, if you’re interested.)
What brought me back to yoga...I need it, it feels so good, and I can use it to help others.
As the pandemic had eaten my hustle, I was at a loss for how to proceed in my business. I was burned out on teaching, drained from teaching online, and looking for another way to earn money.
I ended up taking some office work, which led to leading mindfulness trainings in businesses and schools.
It was all good, enjoyable, and meaningful work…but I was SITTING A LOT! I was sitting at the computer. I was sitting in meetings. I was sitting in my car. I got a stand-up desk, but then I was just standing in one place.
It gave me new empathy for how people feel who sit a lot, and it made me realize I NEEDED YOGA!
Intellectually, I knew how to create a similar impact on muscles, joints, and connective tissue with other types of movement. But what I found was that for me, nothing could replace the delicious feeling of yoga stretching. There actually IS a magical combination of mindful attention and awareness, stretching, and breathing that leaves me feeling more supple and elongated all day long.
One of my students said, “When I do yoga, it feels like my muscles breathe.” This pretty much sums it up.
At this time, some friends and former students asked me to start a new class or come to their homes for private yoga. I knew that they needed yoga too.
How I Came Back to Yoga in a New Way
Without the pressure of being a full-time yoga teacher, and with a new understanding and direct experience of the impact of sedentary work, I came back to my asana practice in a very simple way.
I committed to 15 minutes a day. The only rule is to pay attention to my body for that 15 minutes.
I let go of my rigidity about the “right way” to do postures, and let myself wiggle, explore, or be still as needed.
No lists of poses. No daily goals. No pushing. It’s become a time to just be quiet and give my body what it needs. Sometimes I do one seated pose, and stay for a mini-meditation. Sometimes 15 minutes turns into 20 or 30. Sometimes I just lie on the floor.
I wasn’t sure if I would teach yoga again, after my break at the 17 year point. But some of you have asked, and I will say YES when I can. You teachers out there know that we have to practice for our students, and that’s a side benefit of being a yoga teacher!
My intention with coming back to teaching again is to help students experience these benefits:
- a chance to feel that delicious yoga stretch feeling
- exploration and understanding of their bodies
- time and space to be quiet, breathe, stretch, and go slow
- an invitation to be meditative and reflective
Can you relate?
Can you relate? Have you ever quit doing something even though it was good for you?
How and why did you come back?
Leave a comment below!
Joan, great blog post. You’ve captured what so many of us have felt in the last few years. In spring of 2020, I resigned from the board of our community theatre. That theatre had been an integral part of my life since the moment we rolled into town in 1998. But I knew that season of my life was over. I will always love theatre. I use the skills I learned doing theatre daily, but I no longer feel compelled to be in that particular place for hours on end each week. It wasn’t burn-out, just the realization that wasn’t how I wanted to be spending my creativity. Thanks for sharing your experience; it helped me put my own into perspective.
Thanks Margaret! Thank you for sharing your story as well. I am glad you were able to gracefully move on from your commitment to the theater. I used to think of letting commitments go as “quitting.” Now I’m reframing it as evolution.
Wonderful summary of your recent experience. You used your intuition to just what was right for you at this point in time. You are the living, breathing example of utilizing the wisdom of the subtle body to guide your thoughts and actions. In Polyvagal theory terms you used your ventral state to reset your course. Brava. I have quit doing Zumba even though I love it. I have found a way to incorporate dance moves with the weight machine at the Wellness Center (WC). Some old time rock and roll music helps me get going even when I don’t feel much like dancing. I just have to get the exercise clothes on, get in the car, open the door at the WC and before I know it an hour plus has passed. Thanks for sharing your new new chapter.
Thank you Chris! I’m am picturing you dancing at the weight machine. You are always dancing, even if just in your eyes! Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve wanted to get back to writing regularly and this post was my first step in that direction. Thanks for being on the journey with me.
Joan, you are aware of my journey and know thar I am on board for a class anytime. I am going to spend 15 minutes this morning in meditation and yoga. Thank you for your inspiration. XOXO Charlotte
Good job Charlotte. Hydrate, meditate, lubricate. I’m always amazed at how much 15 minutes can help. A little yoga goes a long way.
Lovely
I like what you said about being more flexible with yourself and less rigid. Applies to the body and the mind and is easier said than done for me, too!
Yep! Thanks for reading and commenting. I need lots of reminders to be flexible in body and mind : )
Thank you very much for your thoughts and reflections.
You’ve helped me to understand my own journey in letting go of my physical yoga practice and delve deeper into the other yoga limbs. I practiced physical yoga for no fewer than 4 hours a day for many years. Then one day life changed and as hard as I tried I couldn’t return and my life got busy. I pray for the day that I fall gently on the mat like a drop of mist on a leaf and restore the splendor of fully embodying my yoga being.
Thank you
Wow, Willow. That is a beautiful comment. Thank YOU for sharing. I love the visual of falling gently on the mat like a drop of mist on a leaf. My practice has changed again since I wrote this. I am still focused on meditation and doing my best to see God all day long in all things.
As for asana, I fit in small moments throughout the day while walking the dog or waiting for the kettle to boil, and do therapeutic moves to balance my hips a few times a week.
Thanks again for sharing and love that you connected here.